A Song Long Overdue

I miss you more tonight,
Than I ever did my home,
On those six-year old boy's
Coldest loneliest nights
In a little dorm room alone.
There I just said it
And I'm so afraid.
Look at what you've done to me.
Look at what I've become.
Reaching for you every moment.
Like a tree bends silently
Reaching for the Sun.

You're a dream I wish I'd had.
So I'd know what it feels like,
To see it coming true.
But this is all new to me,
I had no defenses against you.
They never taught me about the girl
That finally just crashes through.

I had to go crazy to love you.
To save even a part of my mind.
Only the crazy can love like this,
Without scratching themselves blind.
I was so happy when you called me
Until I heard all the
Happy people around you.
I hated that sound terribly.
Because that happiness
Had nothing to do with me.
I know it's unfair, unkind, unwise,
To sit so far away from being happy.
Because my happiness sits with you.
They told me love would be a mystery.
But they didn't tell me
We don't even get a clue.

As I picture you shutting the phone
Walking up the stairs to the party
Where everybody waits for you,
I wrap myself in motel sheets.
And try very hard to convince myself
I'm not thinking about you,
And repeatedly whispering "Please."

Tonight I walk across the burning bridges
And face my every fear of truth.
I torch the lies the world told me.
To move faster, to be smarter,
To be heartless, loveless, and strong.
Because I'm looking at your picture.
Panic thudding out of my heart.
And I know the world was wrong.

I had to go crazy to love you,
Only the crazy understand love
Like this.
I wasn't ready before.
I doubt I'll ever be.
But if I don't start loving you,
I may never become the man
You look at when you look at me.

There I just said it.
And I'm so afraid.
Because I can see you
At the heart of things.
Thinking about me too.