Straight Trippin

I get so high
With the windows
Wide open,
and my arms
Holding a heart far
far from broken.
Sing along
if you know
this song.
And live life
like a lover,
Like a mother
Holding her
Daughter laughing
Up above her.
I get so high
Windows wide open.
I write poetry
Across the dance floor
You call your skin
With no pen.
I love you
More tonight
Than I did
This morning.
I thought of you
When I should
Hang my head
Low in mourning.
I run faster
When I run from you.
So why do I
Return quicker,
Than lightning
Leaping back
Into the sky.
Despite the huff
And puff
And treating you
Much too gruff,
I want to wipe
Every tear you shed
From your
Innermost eye,
That you never
Stain, by looking
At this world.
You're my girl,
And I'm your guy.
You're the Comet
Across my sky.
I'm shifting dust
In the Summer,
You're my rain.
There are no
More dreams left
In my slumber.
My name
waits wishing
To come across
Your lips, Again.
I'm your Summer
You're my rain.
Love me darling.
Smile, breathe,
Do it again.

Quick Scribbles

It ain't so bad, Darling.
Forgive yourself.
Happens to all of us.
You may be divine,
But you wear flesh
Like the rest of us.
Forgive yourself
And smile
Because I'm thinking of you
And smiling too.

---------------

Don't despair
Darling
Don't despair
Picture me brushing
Back your
Depthless hair.
Feel me cup
Your wet cheeks
In my dusty palms
Whisper words
Holy and sweet
Sweaty little psalms.

-------------

Now you're sitting at your window
Talking to me
The world is made of hope
And so are we.

Towards You

You've stolen my loneliness
From me.
You've taken my mystery.
Left me twisting beside
A road going only your way.
You took my strength,
You stripped down my faith,
And made it wander
Through a cold desert.
Every quiet moment
I might have had,
Now walks by without
Acknowledging me.
Even Mary is angry
Taking me no higher.
A pariah from my own
Dreams. You made
my honest soul a liar.
I'm a stranger in
Every mirror except
The ones you hide
Behind your insolent,
Impenetrable hair.
My every step betrays me
My every breath flows
Your way. Everyday
I sit like a hobbled gypsy,
Musician with a broken lute,
An old old acrobat,
Standing stooped and sad
Out beyond the carnival,
Not even dust in the
Patched, bedraggled hat,
Sitting sodden on the
Ground before him.
Before you I was.
Now I am nothing
But a page for the poetry
Tearing through
Heading inexorably
Towards you.

A Song Long Overdue

I miss you more tonight,
Than I ever did my home,
On those six-year old boy's
Coldest loneliest nights
In a little dorm room alone.
There I just said it
And I'm so afraid.
Look at what you've done to me.
Look at what I've become.
Reaching for you every moment.
Like a tree bends silently
Reaching for the Sun.

You're a dream I wish I'd had.
So I'd know what it feels like,
To see it coming true.
But this is all new to me,
I had no defenses against you.
They never taught me about the girl
That finally just crashes through.

I had to go crazy to love you.
To save even a part of my mind.
Only the crazy can love like this,
Without scratching themselves blind.
I was so happy when you called me
Until I heard all the
Happy people around you.
I hated that sound terribly.
Because that happiness
Had nothing to do with me.
I know it's unfair, unkind, unwise,
To sit so far away from being happy.
Because my happiness sits with you.
They told me love would be a mystery.
But they didn't tell me
We don't even get a clue.

As I picture you shutting the phone
Walking up the stairs to the party
Where everybody waits for you,
I wrap myself in motel sheets.
And try very hard to convince myself
I'm not thinking about you,
And repeatedly whispering "Please."

Tonight I walk across the burning bridges
And face my every fear of truth.
I torch the lies the world told me.
To move faster, to be smarter,
To be heartless, loveless, and strong.
Because I'm looking at your picture.
Panic thudding out of my heart.
And I know the world was wrong.

I had to go crazy to love you,
Only the crazy understand love
Like this.
I wasn't ready before.
I doubt I'll ever be.
But if I don't start loving you,
I may never become the man
You look at when you look at me.

There I just said it.
And I'm so afraid.
Because I can see you
At the heart of things.
Thinking about me too.

The Loss of Absence

I'm thinking of someone
Who was never there.
It's strange to say, but
There will be no change
In the routines of my days.
You were never around.
And now you won't ever be.
I'll have to find someone new
To hang this bit of anger on.
Now that you're done
Playing that role for me.
Maybe that's how we know,
We've finally grown up.
When new knives cut,
Into old wounds.
I'm thinking of a man,
I never knew.
Except as someone everyone
else seemed to know well.
And never failed to tell me so.
There is no feeling of loss.
Except a curious absence
Of absence itself.

I'm thinking of my
fatherless father.
And the grief he
cannot show.
Someone has to be
the patriarch now,
In this family of
Petulant children.
I'm thinking of a funeral
I cannot attend.
I'm thinking of the pyre
and the smoke. And the red
Eyed faces all around.
But mostly I'm thinking of him.
Alone on a hospital bed,
An old servant his only friend.

I'm thinking of the silly words
He would always say to me,
And the love I always saw
Shining in his eyes.
He's burning now,
Surrounded by important people,
Discussing tomorrow's agenda.
And family members
Discussing divisions and shares.
And the people who loved him
Standing behind all the security.
Unable to come close to him.
Because they were never
Important enough.

I'm thinking of you Papa.
Wrapped in stillness,
And the deep cleft in your
brow,
Like the tilak of a holy man.
I'm thinking of you
Watching the Old Man.
Walk up a staircase of smoke.
Into the clear blue sky.
Let him finally know rest,
Alone.

Somewhere Sings a Swan

I can't feel a thing.
I look at the ticket stub
In my unshaken hand.
My movie starts in five.
A movie I wasn't dying to see.
On this night
The one my grandfather died.
I heard the news
From a man I don't know
and know I won't like.
I tried calling my father.
But his phone wasn't his
Friend, on this night.
The one my grandfather died.
When I get through
All my father manages to say,
Over all the tears
He doesn't want me to hear.
Is that "He's no more."
In life he was "no less".
Now he's just the other way
Forever.
Goodnight Old Prince.
Forget this world now.
They never remembered you,
As much as you'd liked.
Forget this world finally.
They can't hurt you
Any more.
Goodnight Old Man,
Who never kissed me enough.
I'll try to remember you
Fondly.
But you created my father.
You deserve Heaven just for that.
My father weeps tonight.
While I write
Another mediocre poem.
I'm going to listen to some music
Now.
Because
I still can't feel a thing.
What's wrong with me?

Just a Little Song for a Girl Sitting Far Away

I
didn't mean it in a bad way,
Being a little sad is where,
The poetry comes from.
Floats down like feathers of the seraph,
And the unstill choir they sing
as though mourning
the death of the beings
We never tried to be.
But I rock along
Steady in the evening breeze
With a happy sky
Beside a forever sea.
And the breeze blew by me
And blew me a kiss,
For the next time,
Her sad little song
Frees me.
You are my dervish darling
raising me up in clouds of many dusts.
Talk to me darling of nights like these
When you're not near.
Talk to me darling of these hollow sheets,
And all the laughter I cannot hear.
Talk to me darling in your dreams,
In the mumbles you make when asleep,
In the little bit of wet you leave
beside your fairy dust cheek.
I'd tilt the world if I could,
And tumble you into my lap.
I've said everything but "I love you",
Everything I've said except for that.